Chibi

2008 - 2023

To my sweet girl, Chibi,

No amount of words can ever describe the pain that I feel from losing you...
You were my entire world, and referring to you in the past tense makes my soul ache...
I feel numb, but also feel peace knowing you are at peace...

Thank you for being by my side for these last 14 beautiful years.
You've been with me through every hurdle, every laughter, every tear, every smile..
You've witnessed me at my best, and have seen me at my worst...

You brought me comfort more than you will ever know..
I can still remember your stinky breath (before your teeth got removed)
I remember how you would play with your squeaky squeaky - you would go crazy for that ball
I remember your little footsies following me around, and how you would always look back to see if I was still right behind you..
I remember how happy you were playing with your big brother, and how annoyed you were when your baby brother came..

I remember when I found you, browsing kajiji all those years ago..
I admit you weren't the one I initially wanted, but from the moment I saw you and held you, I knew you were the one for me..
I remember how Cho Cho was so mad at me when you came home, he refused to go near my hand.
I remember how you tortured him at first, but eventually he came around..
I remember when we lost him, how sad you were..

I wonder if that's what started your separation anxiety...
You seemed afraid to be without me, and would go for days barely eating (how did you survive???)
Then Your baby brother came along, and I saw you slowly come back to your old self
You healed, and learned to love him

As you grew older and began to slow down during walks, I wish I had been more patient and let you sniff every single tree you wanted to sniff...(even if it took us 45 minutes just to go 4 houses down...)
I wish I had taken you out more when I had the chance...
I wish I told you everyday how much I love you...

There's still so many things I want to do with you..
There's still so many things I want to experience together with you..
But unfortunately, you've left this world to be in a better place...

A place where you can eat all the croissants you want..
A place where your teeth are back, and you're healthy...
A place where you can play with your big brother again...
A place where you're free and no longer suffering...

I hope we mitigated as much discomfort as we were able in our power to keep you comfortable in your final days...

My heart is aching so much from missing your sweet toothless smile...
I only hope that one day when I finally cross that bridge, that you and your big brother will be there to greet me.
I'm so fortunate that you came into my life...
I'm so fortunate to have had your unconditional love...
You are finally resting in peace...
Good night my sweetest girl, mama loves you forever...